Friday, January 12, 2007
Desperate
Tim has a systemic blood infection which he is still trying to fight off. He really is a brave strong man. I'm still not sure how I got so lucky to marry this man. I can't tell you how scared and desperate I feel heading to the hospital this morning. Tim was not responding much at all yesterday. I have to tell myself today is a new day and there are miracles everyday. Please pray harder than ever. A quick thanks to Ellie and Pipper I received your kind gift in the mail yesterday and it helped cheer me up. I also want Jerry to know I read his thoughtful card to Tim because he didn't have the strength to read it but he heard it and loved it. I hope we get a little good news today... Kathy
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Gratitude and Hope
I just want to take a moment to express gratitude to all those who are making life easier for us. A big thanks to the Demaagd's and Ella, Shane and Victoria for giving the girls a happy place to stay while we are at the hospital. I know you love the girls as much as Tim and I and it is a huge relief to know their needs are being met so wonderfully.
So many touching things have been done for us . John made a beautiful scrapbook about best friends that really lifted Tim's spirits. The support from the entire Sierra Pacific family is amazing. Even if I don't return phone calls know everyone is important and lifts our spirits.
One of my favorite thoughts about how good people are is Katie calling me at the hospital and saying "Mom why is there a stranger mowing our back yard?" I said because people are good. You know who you are (Thanks)
Mary, Vince, Cathy and the Bell family thanks for giving me hope and peace in my down times. Of course thanks to Tim's entire family and mine for everything you do to help Tim and I make it through every minute of the day.
Now probably what you are waiting for an update on Tim's condition. In the beginning I was praying for a cure, then quality years or months. I still pray for these things but I have learned to be grateful for the good moments Tim has when we can have good conversation. He is really battling the disease right now and doesn't have much strength for much of anything else. Anyway today we had 2 good 30 minute conversations which was 2 more than yesterday. I am grateful for that maybe things are moving in a positive direction. Praying for a miracle ...Kathy
So many touching things have been done for us . John made a beautiful scrapbook about best friends that really lifted Tim's spirits. The support from the entire Sierra Pacific family is amazing. Even if I don't return phone calls know everyone is important and lifts our spirits.
One of my favorite thoughts about how good people are is Katie calling me at the hospital and saying "Mom why is there a stranger mowing our back yard?" I said because people are good. You know who you are (Thanks)
Mary, Vince, Cathy and the Bell family thanks for giving me hope and peace in my down times. Of course thanks to Tim's entire family and mine for everything you do to help Tim and I make it through every minute of the day.
Now probably what you are waiting for an update on Tim's condition. In the beginning I was praying for a cure, then quality years or months. I still pray for these things but I have learned to be grateful for the good moments Tim has when we can have good conversation. He is really battling the disease right now and doesn't have much strength for much of anything else. Anyway today we had 2 good 30 minute conversations which was 2 more than yesterday. I am grateful for that maybe things are moving in a positive direction. Praying for a miracle ...Kathy
Monday, January 8, 2007
Readmission
Unfortunately Tim was admitted to the hospital again today. There were a combination of problems. His jaundice has increased due to the previous stent that was placed in the biliary duct has became occluded. They will place a new stent tomorrow. Also he experienced some mental confusion over the weekend due to ammonia levels rising in the brain due to decreased liver function.I will update when I know more. Kathy
Sunday, January 7, 2007
Prognosis
This seems to be the hardest thing to deal with right now is the constant question of what is Tim's prognosis. Yesterday an adult asked our daughter if Tim was going to die. This seems like a pretty harsh question for an adult to ask a child. I realize it is a doctors job to prepare you for the worst. Our doctor has done this without giving allot of hope, but from this point forward I refuse to talk about prognosis, statistics and time lines. Tim is fighting an incredible battle and I believe he has the will to do great things. He told me he plans on being here to see his daughters graduate in 2009 and he really wants to walk them down the aisle on their wedding day. Since we have a strict rule in the Kortuem house nobody gets married until they have their 4 year degree from college this is at least 10 years away. These are long term goals in the short term Tim really wants to feel strong enough to take the girls tubing on the lake this summer our favorite family times. Keep your eyes open for our blue boat because I truly believe we will be there. A social worker at the hospital gave me this great idea when people ask about the prognosis. We are in the most important basketball game of our lives no one knows if we will win or loose but we are only in the first quarter with lots of time left to play. I know Tim and I know this game is going into overtime. Please pray for a miracle. We had one 2 days ago when Tim felt strong enough to go to Katie's basketball game. Thanks for everything ,Kathy
Saturday, January 6, 2007
How the nightmare began
Many people (including me) wonder how this could happen so quickly.
I decided to write a short synopsis about how we got to where we are today.
Trying to think back this is the best we can remember about when the symptoms started.
Thanksgiving seemed normal the whole family came over , Tim had his normal appetite and sense of humor. That is the last normal time I can remember by the first week in December Tim had lost his appetite and had a constant feeling of being bloated and weak. Mikey at work told Tim his eyes were turning yellow and after being coaxed by some of his coworkers (thank you)Tim saw the m.d. on Dec. 6, 2006. That is when the emotional roller coaster began.
I am going to try to leave out the medical jargon. We started with blood tests that showed Tim's liver was not functioning properly. On Dec. 13 We were referred to a G.I. specialist Tim's jaundice had gotten worse from an increase in billirubin by this point Tim was not eating anything. An MRI was scheduled and after this was performed they told us not to leave they wanted to call his doctor immediately who told us to meet him at the hospital to have ERCP .
The MRI showed a blockage in the bile duct which was causing the bile to back up and Tim to turn Yellow. We were hoping for gall stones that could be removed during this procedure and we would go back to life as normal. The funny thing is when we checked into the hospital of course the first thing they talk about is insurance and payment. They said they estimated Tim's stay to be 2 days so we still thought this can't be too serious.
When we got to the G.I. lab the doctor said the MRI showed a tumor blocking the bile duct which was so advanced that surgery was not a option. Tim said can you fix me as they were starting the sedative to preform the procedure so that was all he remembered. The doctor took me outside and said I want you to look into my eyes so you know how serious this is we have an oncologist on board to consult with. I know I will never forget that look in his eyes or the sick feeling that came to my stomach and has not yet left.
The procedure he preformed was to place a temporary stint into the bile duct to allow the bile duct to drain. He also took some cell brushings from the area as a sort of biopsy to see exactly what we were dealing with. He kept telling me this is just a band aid I cannot fix the problem this is temporary. When Tim came out of the procedure he kept asking me over and over" did they take anything out" "why didn't they remove anything" . It seemed like he asked this every 10 minutes all night long. I don't know if it was the medicine he was under or the fact that this information was too much to absorb. Tim told me until this happened he believed he was invincible.
On Dec. 14 Tim had a cat scan of his entire body , a MRI of the spine , a bone scan and another ERCP to do a stomach biopsy. As anybody who has been through this knows the waiting is the hardest part. Throughout the weekend many nurses tried to lift our spirits by saying just because it looks suspicious doesn't mean its cancer until the biopsy is back. On Tuesday Dec. 18 we got the official diagnosis cholangiocarcinoma which had metathesized to the liver and pancreas. Tim took this news much better than I did. He said i know it has to be allot harder on your side of the fence. I just want to make sure you and the girls are going to be o.k. Always selfless.
On Dec. 21 Tim had a port-a-cath put in his chest to make chemo treatments easier and at the same time he had a paracentesis to drain 4 liters of fluid from his abdomen. This was a good thing because it relieved the pressure and he was able to eat again also the fluid had begun to press on the diaphragm and make his breathing more difficult. For a guy who hates needles he sure had his share this week.
On Dec. 23 Tim spiked a fever which ruined our chances to come home for Christmas. I promise I will never take advantage of another Christmas in our own living room again. Thanks to everyone who gave up their family time and visited us that day. On Dec. 26 Tim received his first dose of chemo which we believed to be a great Christmas gift.
On Dec. 29 Tim developed a pleural effusion which was quite painful and delayed his release from the hospital again. Finally on Jan. 1, 2007 Tim was released to come home. YEAH!
I decided to write a short synopsis about how we got to where we are today.
Trying to think back this is the best we can remember about when the symptoms started.
Thanksgiving seemed normal the whole family came over , Tim had his normal appetite and sense of humor. That is the last normal time I can remember by the first week in December Tim had lost his appetite and had a constant feeling of being bloated and weak. Mikey at work told Tim his eyes were turning yellow and after being coaxed by some of his coworkers (thank you)Tim saw the m.d. on Dec. 6, 2006. That is when the emotional roller coaster began.
I am going to try to leave out the medical jargon. We started with blood tests that showed Tim's liver was not functioning properly. On Dec. 13 We were referred to a G.I. specialist Tim's jaundice had gotten worse from an increase in billirubin by this point Tim was not eating anything. An MRI was scheduled and after this was performed they told us not to leave they wanted to call his doctor immediately who told us to meet him at the hospital to have ERCP .
The MRI showed a blockage in the bile duct which was causing the bile to back up and Tim to turn Yellow. We were hoping for gall stones that could be removed during this procedure and we would go back to life as normal. The funny thing is when we checked into the hospital of course the first thing they talk about is insurance and payment. They said they estimated Tim's stay to be 2 days so we still thought this can't be too serious.
When we got to the G.I. lab the doctor said the MRI showed a tumor blocking the bile duct which was so advanced that surgery was not a option. Tim said can you fix me as they were starting the sedative to preform the procedure so that was all he remembered. The doctor took me outside and said I want you to look into my eyes so you know how serious this is we have an oncologist on board to consult with. I know I will never forget that look in his eyes or the sick feeling that came to my stomach and has not yet left.
The procedure he preformed was to place a temporary stint into the bile duct to allow the bile duct to drain. He also took some cell brushings from the area as a sort of biopsy to see exactly what we were dealing with. He kept telling me this is just a band aid I cannot fix the problem this is temporary. When Tim came out of the procedure he kept asking me over and over" did they take anything out" "why didn't they remove anything" . It seemed like he asked this every 10 minutes all night long. I don't know if it was the medicine he was under or the fact that this information was too much to absorb. Tim told me until this happened he believed he was invincible.
On Dec. 14 Tim had a cat scan of his entire body , a MRI of the spine , a bone scan and another ERCP to do a stomach biopsy. As anybody who has been through this knows the waiting is the hardest part. Throughout the weekend many nurses tried to lift our spirits by saying just because it looks suspicious doesn't mean its cancer until the biopsy is back. On Tuesday Dec. 18 we got the official diagnosis cholangiocarcinoma which had metathesized to the liver and pancreas. Tim took this news much better than I did. He said i know it has to be allot harder on your side of the fence. I just want to make sure you and the girls are going to be o.k. Always selfless.
On Dec. 21 Tim had a port-a-cath put in his chest to make chemo treatments easier and at the same time he had a paracentesis to drain 4 liters of fluid from his abdomen. This was a good thing because it relieved the pressure and he was able to eat again also the fluid had begun to press on the diaphragm and make his breathing more difficult. For a guy who hates needles he sure had his share this week.
On Dec. 23 Tim spiked a fever which ruined our chances to come home for Christmas. I promise I will never take advantage of another Christmas in our own living room again. Thanks to everyone who gave up their family time and visited us that day. On Dec. 26 Tim received his first dose of chemo which we believed to be a great Christmas gift.
On Dec. 29 Tim developed a pleural effusion which was quite painful and delayed his release from the hospital again. Finally on Jan. 1, 2007 Tim was released to come home. YEAH!
Thursday, January 4, 2007
Thanks mill dogs
Tim had his second dose of chemo today which has totally exhausted him. Tim and I appreciate the phone calls from his coworkers who want to visit we are not ignoring you just waiting to contact you until Tim has enough energy for visitors. I saw Mary today who is an incredible patient woman constantly answering my insurance questions. Anyway she gave me the picture of the sawmill guys and Tim really loved it. He kept looking at it saying" I'll be darned that was sure nice of them" then he showed his family members who stopped by for a moment. Just wanted to let you all know how much joy he got from this gesture Thanks.......Kathy
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
First of all I would like to thank all of our friends, family and neighbors for the concern and support they have shown our family in this stressful time. We appreciate all the prayers more than you know. Even though I am not computer savvy I believe this will be the best way to keep everyone updated on Tim's condition. I apologize for the phone calls I have not returned. At the end of the day I am honestly too exhausted and it is depressing to repeat the details of Tim's illness.
Tim's official diagnosis is cholangiocarcinoma which is in stage 4. This is a fancy name for cancer that begins in the bile duct.Tim has numerous lesions in his liver and some metastasis to the pancreas. Surgery and radiation are not a option as things have spread too far. On December 26 Tim began his first dose of chemotherapy (gemzar) he will have these treatments once a week for 8 weeks when another ct scan will be taken to see if the treatment was effective in shrinking the tumors. The doctor says there in no cure for this cancer the chemo is only to slow down the cancer. Hopefully the chemo will shrink in the liver enough for the liver to regain function.
Tim was released from the hospital on January01, 2007 after 18 days in the hospital we feel very lucky to have Tim home. It was a great way to start the new year.Tim will have his second dose of chemo tomorrow. I will try to keep this site updated often on Tim's progress. Happy new year to everyone and thanks again for all you have done for our family. Please remember us in your prayers. Kathy
Tim's official diagnosis is cholangiocarcinoma which is in stage 4. This is a fancy name for cancer that begins in the bile duct.Tim has numerous lesions in his liver and some metastasis to the pancreas. Surgery and radiation are not a option as things have spread too far. On December 26 Tim began his first dose of chemotherapy (gemzar) he will have these treatments once a week for 8 weeks when another ct scan will be taken to see if the treatment was effective in shrinking the tumors. The doctor says there in no cure for this cancer the chemo is only to slow down the cancer. Hopefully the chemo will shrink in the liver enough for the liver to regain function.
Tim was released from the hospital on January01, 2007 after 18 days in the hospital we feel very lucky to have Tim home. It was a great way to start the new year.Tim will have his second dose of chemo tomorrow. I will try to keep this site updated often on Tim's progress. Happy new year to everyone and thanks again for all you have done for our family. Please remember us in your prayers. Kathy
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